Musings, Nits, and Praises: The In-Service Scorecard

Musings, Nits, and Praises

A farrago of all things deemed blog-worthy by a music-loving, poetry-writing, humor-seeking English teacher

The In-Service Scorecard

+4 for catching up with colleagues you haven't seen in two months
+3 for each meal provided
- 1 if a breakfast lacks fruit, a source of protein, or anything remotely healthy
+2 for each time coffee is provided
- 3 each time that coffee is Folgers or Maxwell House
- 5 for any ice breaker
+500 if an ice breaker involves someone karate-chopping an actual block of ice
- 5 for any sort of cheesy, morale-boosting activity
-15 if you had a hand in creating such an activity
-5 for a team-building activity that has nothing to do with preparing for the school year
-500 if the team-building activity involves juggling butcher knives blindfolded
+5 for each day you have two or more hours to work in your classroom
-10 for each day you have less than two hours to work in your classroom
+2 for every free thing you receive
-5 if one of those free things is a tote bag or over-sized t-shirt
+5 for any meeting lasting less than an hour
-10 for any meeting lasting more than an hour
-10 for every time a colleague asks a question during a meeting that's been answered multiple times
-  5 for any vacuous motto or education buzzword
- 50 for any PD session on differentiated instruction that consists of someone talking for two hours using a bland PowerPoint
-100 for PD videos starring people with next to no teaching experience
+200 if you find out you wound up with two planning periods
-300 if you find out you've been assigned to teach a new class
+10 for a motivational speaker who does more than comically tell you things you already know
-10 for a motivational speaker who offers little more than feel-good fluff or seems to think possessing the vitality of someone on speed is imperative to being a good teacher
+1,000 if registration day includes an open bar
-20 for every student who emails you to explain why they haven't done the summer assignment
+5 for every scheduled break
+50 if you're allowed to go home early
-50 for any impromptu meetings
+10,000if an impromptu meeting is to unveil a new teachers' lounge with a pool, jacuzzi, sauna, lounge chairs, a pool table, old-school arcade games, a ping-pong table, a calypso band, and free cocktails
-10 for dull, professional development sessions
+1,000 if a professional development session involves how to become a professional musician
+15 if you make it the whole week without falling asleep during a meeting

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